what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
