I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
