i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
