textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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