I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
