I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
