My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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