The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
