Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
