she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
