U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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