I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I could fuck to npr.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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