i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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