Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need moral support for this bender
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
