so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
In America we eat man semen.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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