What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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