I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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