hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
