It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
