I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
