I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
