Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
