last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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