Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
