Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
