did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
