btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
