I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
