i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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