I'm going to jail i love you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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