look no pants
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
