Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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