bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
