ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your penis caused this!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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