Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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