sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
