Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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