i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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