he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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