My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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