in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
