new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
