I hate your face
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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