please come you make the beer taste better
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
True strength comes from lack of pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
