only if we run a train.
done.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
