After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
