I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
