wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
