I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize