I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
