my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
