you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
