My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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