OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
