when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
