Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
