I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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