We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
