Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
