Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
