There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
