wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
