just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my sisters under your porch take her home
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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