Buhtt sex?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
