the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
