What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
