So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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