I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
