Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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