New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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