I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
